the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
this hospital has no fireball
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
