I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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