sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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