if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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