We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize