i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
