He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
