I accidentally burped into my bong.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
They should really pass out barf bags in church
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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