3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
