Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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