Barsexuality is the new black.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
