Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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