he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
