I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
