I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
