Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
