i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
