The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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