we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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