party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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