i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
