you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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