Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
