I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
