We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
