Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
