no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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