Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
