dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
