i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
