I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
