Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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