So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
