My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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