my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
