i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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