All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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