Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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