You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
