no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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