I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
