I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
