My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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