I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
