God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
