he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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