so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
