Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Panties = found
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