my sisters under your porch take her home
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
