well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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