i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
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