so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
