There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
