based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
