He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
