i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
