I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
