I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
