wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
