my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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