the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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