I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize