Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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