glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
