She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
