dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
