The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
