Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
