Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize