I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
