you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
