Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
two words...techno handjob
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
