My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
