i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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