Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Actions speak louder than pants.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Drake has all the answers
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
