i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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