Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
