i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My cat gives me a boner
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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