I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
