Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
